The Cardinal: Parked in the Past

Healing can feel like it’s on pause until the right person finally says the right thing. But what if that moment never comes and life keeps moving anyway? Ty opens up about the quiet pain of waiting, not just for a conversation or an apology, but for a version of someone that only exists in hope. The result is a hard, honest realization: disappointment often comes less from reality and more from the expectations we keep replaying in our minds. 

A simple sign cuts through the noise, a bright red cardinal passing his truck window on an ordinary day. It doesn’t fix the relationship or answer the big questions, but it changes what he notices. From there, Ty reflects on father wounds, gratitude, and the people who actually showed up: family members who provided stability, a wife who stands close, brothers who check in, mentors, therapy, and a renewed sense of purpose. If you’re navigating family trauma, abandonment, or the pressure to prove you were worth choosing, this conversation offers a grounded path forward that blends personal development, mental health tools, and faith. 

Ty also breaks down the difference between letting go and giving up, then challenges us with a “mirror moment” that gets uncomfortably specific: who are you still waiting on, and what part of your life has been standing still while you wait? Anchored by Isaiah 43:18-19, the message is about perceiving the new thing God is doing right now and choosing to unlock your own freedom instead of demanding it arrive through someone else. If this hits home, subscribe, share it with someone who needs it, and leave a rating or review so more scarred sons can find their way home.

Follow the show for new weekly episodes, discussing a journey of healing, growth, and becoming the man you were meant to be.

Connect with me on Instagram: @scarred.sons

If this episode spoke to you, share it with another Scarred Son on his healing journey.

This podcast is not a substitute for professional therapy. If you need help, please seek support from a licensed mental health provider.

Transcript

When Healing Skips The Conversation

Ty 0:00

Sometimes healing doesn't arrive in conversation. Sometimes it doesn't come with an apology. Sometimes it doesn't come with closure. Sometimes it flies past your truck window on an ordinary day and reminds you that life is still moving. That there is still beauty ahead, that your story isn't over, and that while you've been waiting, life never stopped moving. Maybe you did. Welcome to the Scarred Sons Podcast, where we dive into scars of life and the outcomes they shape. This podcast is a space for honest conversations about my journey, the lessons learned, the struggles endured, and the growth that followed, geared towards helping other sons with scars. We'll explore topics like personal development, mental and spiritual health, and the path to becoming the best version of yourself. Let's navigate these challenges together, one story at a time. Let's dive in. The views expressed on this podcast are based on my personal experiences and insights. I am not a licensed therapist, counselor, or medical professional, and the content shared is not intended as a substitute for professional advice or guidance. Please consult a qualified professional for advice tailored to your specific needs. I am not responsible for any decisions or outcomes resulting from the use of this content.

Waiting On A Version Of Someone

Ty 1:12

What's up to all my scarsons out there? I'm your host Ty. Before we dive in, I want you to know this is a safe space. I'm not here as someone who has it all figured out. Just a man willing to speak his truth. And if you carry scars, welcome home. For a long time I thought I was waiting on a conversation. I thought I was waiting on understanding. I thought I was waiting for things to finally become what I always hoped they could be. But recently I realized something. Sometimes we're not waiting on a person, we're waiting on a version of them. A version that exists in our hopes, a version we replay in our minds, a version we convince ourselves is right around the corner. I think I've spent years waiting on certain things to become our reality. Not because I was naive, not because I didn't know better, but because hope is hard to release, especially when it involves people you love. I recently reached back out. I allowed myself to be open. I tried not to overhype expectations. I tried to stay grounded. I tried to tell myself that whatever happened, I'd be okay. But when the outcome wasn't what I hoped for, I still had to process it. I still had to sit with it. I still had to wrestle with disappointment. And that's when I realized something that changed everything. I would have never been disappointed if I hadn't carried that expectation. Because the disappointment wasn't coming from reality. The disappointment was coming from the picture I created in my mind. The version of events I hoped would happen. The version of people I hoped would show up. The version of life I thought I deserved. That's a hard truth to sit with. The lesson didn't come through another conversation. It came sitting in my truck just another day.

The Cardinal And A Shift In Focus

Ty 3:11

Nothing special. Nothing dramatic. And then I noticed a cardinal, bright red, just gliding through the field of vision. Then I saw another one on the following day, and another one the day after that. And eventually I stopped asking, what does this mean? And started asking, what am I supposed to notice? The Cardinal didn't change my situation. My questions weren't answered. My relationships didn't suddenly improve. Nothing in my life actually changed that day. Except me. I started thinking about my grandfather, the man who kept a roof over my head, the man who showed up, the man who was present. I started thinking about my uncle. I started thinking about faith. I started thinking about all the blessings I already had that was overlooked because I was focused on what I didn't receive. Because this isn't a diss towards my father or anyone that played a part or didn't play a part as I grew older. I love my father and I love them too. I always will. But I was disappointed by how he chose to show up. And maybe that's where I finally found some clarity. I would have never been disappointed if I hadn't carried the expectation. See, secretly, I thought my dad would have a different approach because we had a similar situation where understanding was given from both sides, where time was shared with one another to build a deeper bond. The expectation that one day things would become exactly what I needed them to be, and that it would be similar to a previous experience that we had with one another. The expectation that one day someone finally understands, the expectation that one day old wounds would magically disappear. But maybe the cardinal wasn't telling me to keep waiting. Maybe it was telling me you already have what you need. Trust God, move forward. And let the little boy carrying that void finally rest. Not because what happened didn't matter, but because he doesn't have to carry it any longer. A lot of people confuse letting go with giving up. They're not the same. Giving up says I don't care anymore. Letting go says I care, but I can't carry this forever. Giving up is hopeless. Letting go is healthy. Giving up closes the door. Letting go frees your hands so you can open another one. I haven't stopped caring. I haven't forgotten the past. I haven't erased disappointment. I've simply realized that my future can't depend on someone else's willingness to change. And that's one of the hardest lessons I've had to learn.

Isaiah 43 And Noticing The New

Ty 6:20

As I was trying to make sense of all this, the disappointment, the cardinal, the feeling of being stuck. I wanted to search out a verse that would potentially give me some guidance, give me some understanding of where I was in this season of my life. And I came across a verse that stopped me in my tracks. Not because I never heard it before or heard someone else say it before, but because this time it hit differently, because it was a reflection of where I stood. The verse comes from Isaiah chapter 43, verse 18 through 19 in the New Living Testament. It reads, Forget the former things, do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing. Now it springs up. Do you not perceive it? I had to sit with this one for a minute because my first thought was, how am I not supposed to think about the past? The past shaped me. The past hurt me. The past taught me lessons. But the more I sat with it, the more I realized maybe God wasn't asking me to pretend the past never happened. Maybe he was asking me something else. Maybe he was asking me, can you see what I'm doing right now? Can you see the people who have shown up? Can you see the blessings you've already received? Can you see the opportunities sitting in front of you? Or are you so focused on what didn't happen that you're missing what is? I had to sit back with this one because it was so deeply connected to what I'm walking in, to what I'm seeing right now, to the space that I'm in, the season I'm in, the air that I'm breathing, the disappointment, the expectations, all of it wrapped up in this one verse. While I was focused on what I didn't receive, I wasn't fully appreciating what I already had. A grandfather who showed up, a grandmother that showed up, an aunt that showed up, uncles that showed up, a wife who stands beside me, brothers who check on me, band directors, my therapists helping me navigate difficult seasons, a business now, a new purpose, and a platform. God has been blessing me the entire time over my life. The cardinal didn't change my life, it changed what I was paying attention to. And maybe before we move forward, this is a good opportunity for all of us to stop and take a look at what we're paying attention

Mirror Moment: Who Are You Waiting On

Ty 9:09

to. This feels like a good moment to pause for the mirror moment. Let's dive in. The mirror moment is a space where we slow down and take an honest look at the man in the mirror. No distractions, no pressure, just reflection. Look at the man in the mirror. Who are you still waiting on? Not who do you love? Not who hurt you? Not who disappointed you. Who are you waiting on? And what part of your life has been standing still while you wait? Maybe they change, maybe they don't. But your healing cannot be held hostage by another person's decisions. What would happen if you finally gave yourself permission to move forward? Not because everything is fixed, but because you're ready to live again. Thank you for listening to this week's mirror moment. Let's get back to the episode.

Tug Of War Between Past And Destiny

Ty 10:05

I've also had another realization recently. I can't be my best while playing tug of war between my obligations and my destiny. One hand pulling toward the past, one hand pulling toward the future. One hand trying to heal, one hand trying to build. Nobody wins tug of war when they're holding both ends of the rope. And for a long time, that's exactly what I was doing. Trying to build a future while emotionally living in the past. Trying to move forward while consistently looking backward. Life wasn't standing still, my marriage wasn't standing still, my business wasn't standing still, my podcast wasn't standing still. God wasn't standing still. Only I was. One realization hit me harder than the rest. I've shackled myself in place, but I haven't grabbed the key to free myself. For years I believed freedom would arrive through someone else, a conversation, an apology, recognition, understanding, but freedom doesn't work that way. At some point you have to unlock the door yourself.

Unlocking Your Own Freedom

Ty 11:21

There's something that happens to a man or woman who feels unwanted by the people who brought them into this world. He or she spends years trying to prove they should have been wanted through achievement, through validation, through performance, through people pleasing, through proving. Eventually you realize you're running a race that never had a finish line. And the only person that can stop running it is you. I have to acknowledge something. This season hasn't been the easiest. From December 2025 to May 2026, it's been hard. Really hard. But I'm choosing to stand tall. Not once did I find myself questioning whether I wanted to be here anymore recently with this situation, as I have multiple times in the past. I'm gonna count that as growth. That's healing, that's God. Shout out to my wife, my therapist, my brothers, Mike, Cedric, Alvin, and Rich. Rich, we never met in person, but you still poured into my life. We're gonna

Finding Support Where You Least Expect

Ty 12:45

get that done though. And that's the lesson. Sometimes support doesn't arrive from where you expected it. Sometimes it arrives exactly where God intended. Use every tool available. Reach out, start the conversation, send the message. You never know who God placed along your path to help carry the load. Most importantly, I need to give a shout out to myself. I never imagined this year would have so many detours, road closures, U-turns. Some I obeyed, some I ignored, and learned the hard way. But through all of it, I've learned to give myself grace, I've learned to keep moving forward. I've learned to trust God even when I don't understand the direction. Because God has been good to me. He always has. And maybe that's what the cardinal was trying to remind me of all along. Not that life was waiting for me, that life had never stopped. I did.

Share, Rate, And Keep Moving

Ty 14:03

If this episode made you stop and think, send it to a brother or a sister that's scarred, or maybe just a brother or sister that needs to hear it. And if you haven't already, take a moment to rate the podcast. It helps more scarred sons find their way home. We'll continue this conversation next Sunday at 8 a.m. Lord willing. Peace and love. Thank you for joining me on the Scarred Sons podcast. Remember, every Scar tells a story, and every story has the power to inspire growth. If today's episode resonated with you, I'd love to hear your thoughts. Feel free to reach out and share your journey. Don't forget to stay up to date with the podcast by liking, commenting, and subscribing wherever you listen to podcasts. You can also follow us on Instagram at ScarredPeriodSons for more content and updates. Until next time, keep moving forward, keep healing, and remember scars don't define you, they shape you. Stay strong, and I'll see you in the next episode. Peace.